I realized after Dawn died that the worst thing to say to someone after the death of someone they love is "eventually things will return to normal."
no - they never will
Normal is my family together.
Normal is my parents not losing a child.
Normal is my niece not struggling daily with drugs.
Normal is being able to pick up the phone and talk to my sister.
No, things will never go BACK to normal - there will only be a new normal.
So here is my new normal. I cry when I am alone. Stupid and sometimes silly things make me think of Dawn. I get angry at my kids for fighting telling them they have to appreciate their brothers and sister and never take the relationship for granted (like I did).
Normal now is not knowing how my mom is doing, only that some days she is not good at all, some days she is horrible, and some days she puts on a happy face and goes about her life. But she never has a great day. Not anymore - that is her normal.
I can not sit back and not do anything. I have always been like that. Since I can't change the past, I have decided to work with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I am the captain of the Out of the Darkness Walk in Dawn's memory. And in June I will be put on the board for the foundation. At least I am doing something positive and maybe can help save one person since I couldn't do anything to save Dawn.
There is never going to be a "back to normal". Sure, you wake up and get ready for work, come home, go to the baseball and lax games, watch cheerleading, eat dinner, take out the dogs - but that is your day - not your normalcy.
I miss her a lot. I still have so many questions that will never be answered. Her kids are struggling and I can't change that or help. I pray that she can help them. Give them that feeling of a warm hug around them to tell them they will be ok.
I pray that my mom and dad are ok. Dad keeps everything inside and acts like nothing is wrong but his health has suffered and he has aged so much in the past 1 1/2 years. We all have.
I love Dawn - always will. I just still don't understand...
